Twisted: Tara and Jax  The Younger Years
by poeticallyflawed
Summary: This is a story of Jax and Tara's tumultuous high school relationship. this is a series of one-shots that will eventually be incorporated into a larger story. These will be out of chronological order and will contain regular & new characters.Mature themes
1. Chapter 1

I loaded off the bus and clamored up the stairs to the breezeway. Another day at the beautiful Charming HS. I sighed mentally calculating the remaining days until graduation. I got to 900 and gave up. It made my head hurt to think it'd be so long.

As I passed through the gates I was immediately flanked by Kris. That's weird. She usually meets me at our picnic table. I focused on her face and read preoccupancy in every feature. I shrugged. Maybe she's having a bad day. That wouldn't be a stretch. Kris had a lot of bad days. Hell, she had a bad life. It was tough taking care of a drunk parent, I fully understand that… more so than most people probably. Kris, unfortunately, had the added burden of being the oldest of eight children that she had continuously taken care of since she was old enough to walk.

I gave her a smile that told her I was here if she wanted to talk, but she continued silently with me to our normal spot in the yard. As we rounded the corner I felt her hang back, pausing for something I couldn't see. As I turned back ahead, I suddenly understood.

There sitting in our usual spot were our usual friends, with one new exception. Some crack head looking blonde I'd never seen before was sitting comfortably on Jax's lap. _Who the fuck?_

As I took a step closer a few heads turned my direction and I saw many sets of eyes bulging from their heads. The guys looked expectantly at Jax, though he was still in some deeply important conversation with this skinny whore. I saw Opie elbow him in the ribs and he finally broke her gaze. The girl looked at him expectantly and then followed his eyes to me. A smirk crossed her face. _I'm going to kill this bitch._

I took another step closer before I felt a strong hand on my shoulder. I shook it off with a little too much force and then heard Kris gently remind me in a sing song voice she often used when trying to reason with me, "No fighting, Tara."

I tensed at her words. I knew she was right, it wouldn't be long until I was off probation. But dammit did I want to kick that chick's face in. Maybe even take a swipe at Jax while I was at it. Knowing him, that's probably what he wanted. He wouldn't have to worry about me busting in on his exploits if I was on house arrest again.

I saw Ryan stand warily, not sure if he should leave the table and join us or stay put. He finally decided to step out from the table and head our direction, sharing a knowing look with Kris. He gently snaked an arm around my waist and tugged me in the opposite direction. I was dragged toward the cafeteria until we reached what I guessed they had determined to be a safe distance. I pushed Ryan off me and glared at him.

"Who the fuck was that?" I seethed, struggling to keep it together. I knew I had to get it under control. I definitely didn't want a visit from my P.O. today. Still, I could feel the rage burning at my seams trying all it could to find a way through.

Ryan shot another worried glance at Kris. This just infuriated me even more.

"For fuck's sake just spit it out, Ryan. Don't be such a pussy". I instantly felt guilty for my harshness, but I needed answers. NOW.

"Uh, she's new to the neighborhood." He responded hesitantly.

There was something he wasn't saying. I looked to Kris to see if she noticed his inflection. She nodded. There was definitely something he wasn't saying.

I looked back at him in disbelief. "When you say she's new to the neighborhood, is that new to the neighborhood or…..?" I couldn't finish. There was no way this bitch had appeared from thin air and they were welcoming her into the circle.

Ryan shifted his eyes nervously to the ground. "Uh, I guess both." He took a small step back, bracing himself for my reaction.

My jaw dropped just a little. "Are you fucking kidding me? I've never even seen this whore before, where the hell did she come from? And what the FUCK is she doing sitting on Jax's lap?"

"Tara, calm down. Breathe. For real. Fuck Jax, you know he always pulls this shit to make you jealous" Kris tried to break through the angry haze hanging over me.

I glared at her but did as instructed. That was part of the anger management. Count to ten. Blah blah blah. I silently cursed the fact that Kris had taken both her parents to more than one anger management meeting. She felt it was her new found duty to keep me on the straight and narrow. A full time job I must say.

Ryan relaxed a little and answered truthfully. "I don't know, Tara. Honestly. Her name is Brittany, she moved here from Texas. They've been moved in for a week or so but her and her sister just started school. I think the guys met them when they were making rounds."

He stopped, gauging whether or not this was pushing me over the edge or if I still had it together. I just nodded somberly and shifted my eyes to the ground._ For fucks sake, how many times was Jax going to do this to me? _I mean, I knew we were on a break, and that there were croweaters, but someone actually in the circle? At our table? Seriously? Now he'd thrown down the gauntlet and I was going to make him regret it.

"Tara?" Kris prodded cautiously. "Come on, honey. What is going on in that twisted brain of yours? You're freaking me out here. You know that silent shit makes me edgy."

I continued staring at the ground trying to breathe enough to keep the sobs from escaping. No one ever saw me break down and it wasn't happening today, not for Jax and this… whore.

"So what? He thinks their serious? He's known her a week and he has the nerve to bring her around? Like she's one of us?" I could feel the anger boiling but I was conscious enough to keep a lid on it.

"I really don't know, Tara. We were all surprised as shit to see her actually sit at our table."

I didn't need Kris' second opinion on inflection that time. "So you knew about her?" I accused. "You've been hanging out with her all week? All of you have?" I glared murderously at him. Fucking traitors. I knew the answer before I even asked.

"Tara, it's not like that" he reached a hand out to console me but thought better of it when he registered my fuming glare. "She came to the garage a few times." He admitted reluctantly.

"Fuck you, Ryan. You guys are a bunch of assholes. Someone could've said something" I spat at him. With that I stormed down the hall to my first period class with Kris close behind me.

"Come on, Tara. Don't be like that! You know we all love you! He's just trying to make you jealous" Ryan called behind me as we strode down the hallway. I raised my middle finger to him in response.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:Thank you so much for all the amazing reviews on my last chapter! Please bear with me as I do the one offs. I have to get the key scenes out of my brain before I can put them all together. I know it might be a little frustrating, but I WILL string it all together eventually. Remember these are out of order and just individual scenes. **

**All characters are courtesy of the amazing KS!**

**XOXOXOX**

Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep.

Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep.

Beep-beep-beep-beep-beep.

"Tara, if you don't turn off that god damn pager it's going in the fucking toilet!" Jaime exclaimed annoyed.

I sighed and reached to silence the volume. Truthfully, it was annoying the shit out of me too. Damn feeners.

..Bzzzzz.

Jaime looked pointedly at the pager again as it rattled noisily across the table.

"I know, I know! I'm sorry. It's not like it doesn't get on my nerves too" I moaned dramatically.

"Yeah, but you benefit financially every time the damned thing goes off. I just lose my sanity. Who wins there?" Jaime snorted.

I shrugged my shoulders. What could I say to that? She had a point. But even the money didn't justify the nuisance sometimes.

"I can't believe Jax is still letting you work like this. Wasn't that part of yall's agreement? No more slanging?" she inquired.

I rolled my eyes. She knew that Jax couldn't make me do anything I didn't want to. Sad as it was, I enjoyed the rush that came with it, the notoriety of being the only "chick dealer". Nearly every person in Charming H.S. knew who I was, and I hadn't had to put out to get there.

"No Jaimes. I mean, he doesn't like it, but I have to make a living somehow. And besides, it's not like I'm selling to little kids or pushing anything of consequence." Her question annoyed me. I wasn't doing anything worse than any of the guys but because I'm a female I'm expected to act differently. It was such bullshit.

I continued cutting magenta ten strips from the sheets laid out in front of me. Jaime shook her head but turned back to her computer screen. I loved that about her. She knew when to just leave me to my own devices.

The pager buzzed again with a familiar number and a 911 behind it. My fist clenched around the small plastic brick in annoyance. Since when did scoring acid become an emergency? Some people. So fucking impatient. _For that, I'll just make them wait longer,_ I mused to myself. Someone would be getting a piece of my mind next time they came to pick up, that was certain.

Truth be told, I was growing weary of the same charade every day. Sure the club cut me enough slack so I could maintain my business, but there were always watchful eyes on me. Add that to the stream of perpetual losers I dealt with on the regular, and the whole dealing thing was becoming a chore. I was a slave to my pager, a slave to the money. It was starting to get old.

Almost as if she could read my mind, Jaime spoke again. "Don't you ever get tired of it?" she asked offhandedly, not turning from her computer.

I felt my shoulders sag a little. Was I that easy to read?

I was quiet for awhile as I contemplated her words. If I was being honest with myself, it was something I'd been thinking about more and more lately. There wasn't even one specific reason for my slowly changing heart…. It was more a combination of things. And honestly, I was getting too old for this shit. I'd been dealing since freshman year without getting caught even once, a long time by any one's standards. But I just couldn't give it up. Anyone in the know knew I was very, very good at it. Plus, it was an added bonus that my sweet face made me look much more innocent than I actually am. The cops left me alone, because how could a 5'5, 115lb girl be the leading source of hallucinogenics in a town where bikers reigned supreme? It was a perfect cover, being cute and petite. It didn't hurt that I had the muscle to back me up when the situation warranted it.

Sensing my internal monologue, Jaime turned a keen eye on me. "Seriously, Tara. Why don't you just give it a rest? I mean you're on track for biker royalty. Jax loves you to death; he'd be thrilled if you'd give up the gig. You'll be his old lady soon enough, you'll have other things to worry about. You don't have to keep doing this."

I snorted at her rationale. "You think that's what I want? To be an old lady? To be told when to speak and what to say? Where to go and who to talk to? I don't want to be a bitter old hag. What, you think I'd actually be happy, keeping company with crazy bitches like Mary?" I fumed.

I saw the realization flash in Jaime's eye. The Mary part had caught her.

"They're not all so bad as Mary Winston you know." she whispered. "Not everyone turns into a vengeful, conniving, heartless bitch. What about Gemma?" Jaime questioned, thinking she had me.

I just laughed. "What, and you think Gemma isn't a vengeful, conniving bitch? God bless her, she certainly has more brains than the rest of them, but she still answers to the club. She can't be her own person. Even if it seems like she always gets her way, trust me, she doesn't. She's trapped, just like the rest of them" I explained, blowing a rebellious bang from my eye in frustration.

"So what? You're gonna keep dealing… and what? Stay in this weird limbo you and Jax dance in every day? I know that gets old. Tara, it's already getting old. I can see it when you look at him. You guys have been together forever…. Are you telling me you're never going to be his old lady?" she quirked an inquisitive eyebrow at me.

She had me there. I loved Jax more than anything. Well, more than anything besides my free will. But deep down I knew that sooner or later, that was going to run out. Either the club would take my will, or the law would. It was a messy maze I danced through every day. All good things come to an end. No one knew that better than me.

"You know, Tara, one day the gig is gonna be up. You're gonna have to make a choice. You either keep doing what you doing, and get locked up eventually. Or you go with Jax and settle for being a backseat driver. There _are_ worse things in the world you know…."

"But that's just it!" I exclaimed. "Why do I have to be the one to settle? Why can't it be Jax? Why do I have to be the one to sacrifice… myself… who I am…everything?"

Jaime looked at me with reproach in her eyes. "And what are you, Tara? A drug dealer? Is that really your claim to fame in life? You think that's who you are? That that's what makes you you?"

I dropped my eyes to the ground. That's what it felt like sometimes. In all honesty, I hadn't been much more than that since my mother died; just fistfuls of anger and drugs to block it out.

Sensing she'd hit a nerve, she changed tracks. "It's not fair to ask that of Jax, Tara. The club is his life; it's how he was raised. You knew that going into this. Jax is the club and the club is Jax. You can't honestly think you can ask him to give that up?"

I shrugged sullenly. I knew she was right, but that didn't mean that's not how I felt. How many times had I dreamed of blowing this shitty Popsicle stand and finding a more exciting life; a life where I made a difference, a life that mattered, a life where_ I_ mattered?

Jaime leaned toward me and gently pushed a strand of hair from my face, looking me square in the eye. "Look, honey. I'm sorry if I upset you. But high school is over now. We're not little kids anymore. You need to start figuring out what's right for you. What's right for Jax. You can't keep doing this forever. You're gonna have to make some decisions eventually, that's all I'm saying. Just… think about it, okay?"

I sighed and turned back to cutting ten strips.


	3. Chapter 3

Thunk – Thunk.

I gingerly opened my sleep filled eyes, trying to decipher whether the noise was coming from my always vivid dreams or the real world.

Thunk-Thunk. It was louder now.

I groaned and rolled over, eyeing the blinding red numbers on the alarm clock. 3am? Who the fuck is banging on my window right now? If it was that fucking junkie Grant he was definitely going to have problems.

Thunk-thunk-thunk-thunk. More rapidly now. I was finally awake enough to register the noise was coming from my window. Sluggishly I rolled out of bed not stopping to put on a robe. At this exact moment, I didn't care who saw me in all my glory. They wouldn't be excited about it for long.

I huffed impatiently as I wrestled with the window and finally pushed it open. "What the fuck do you want?" I hissed into the darkness, unable to see who the perpetrator was. Suddenly a halo of long, blonde hair and a devilish smile stood next to me, half hanging from the tree that led to my bedroom window.

"Hey darling" he whispered somberly, yet with a hint of a smile obviously at my annoyed state.

"Jax, what the hell are you doing here? It's three in the morning for Christ's sake!" Unbelievable! Jax knew better than anyone how irate I could get when woken from a sound sleep. It wasn't even a voluntary anger most of the time; half my mind was still swimming in dream world, pulling at my consciousness to rejoin it.

"Get dressed, Tara. We need to talk."

_What the fuck?_ He sounded serious. Jax never sounded that serious about anything. He was almost… hesistant. That's weird.

I turned back to my darkened room as he slid through the open window. I grabbed for my robe but Jax' hand gently gripped my arm mid-grab.

"No, Tara. Get dressed for real. This isn't really the place for what I have to say."

I tilted my head to look at him. Stress adorned every inch of his face. I hadn't seen him like this since… since… since Kel died. _Oh no_ I thought as my heart sank. _What now? WHO now?_

My hands started shaking ever so slightly as I pulled on the closest pair of jeans and threw a jacket over my sleep shirt.

"You're not gonna put on a bra?" Jax grimaced ever so slightly at the thought of me unharnessed in front of other people.

"FINE!" I grumbled as I slipped one on underneath my shirt, not bothering to take it off.

We slid out my second story window and down the tree to the ground with little effort. Thank God for that tree, otherwise I'd never be able to sneak out as often as I did. Jax grabbed my hand as we walked the two blocks to where his bike was inconspicuously parked. He handed me a helmet and I strapped it on dutifully.

"Where are we going?" I whispered in his ear as I wrapped my arms around him tightly. He didn't answer me as he started his bike and drove off.

My heart stopped as we pulled up to Kris' house. All the lights were off, but she was waiting at the street for us. _Please let her family be okay, _I prayed silently as I took in her tears_. _She'd been through enough already, I hoped with every fiber in my being that everything was okay.

Jax turned off the bike and I hopped off without a second thought, running to Kris and throwing my arms around her.

"What's wrong, honey? Please? Shhhh. It's okay, don't cry. Everything will be okay, just tell me what's wrong."

She didn't reply as her sobs grew more violent. I felt the tingle of anxiety grazing across my skin like razors. I looked up at Jax without releasing her, searching his eyes for some answers. He ran his hand nervously through his greasy mane.

"Maybe we should go inside?" Jax suggested somberly.

Kris nodded through her tears and we turned toward the garage, never letting her out of my embrace. Jax followed behind us silently.

We sat down on make shift stools as I plead desperately with Kris to calm down and tell me what had happened. The not knowing was making me crazy. All I wanted was to plunge a knife into my soft flesh to stop the flow of anxiety that was piercing through my body. I tried to breathe deeply to regain my composure. Me freaking out and going into a cutting fit was not going to help Kris say what she needed to say.

After several minutes, she finally gasped in between tremors, "it's… Adam" she managed to spit out before collapsing once again into a fit of tears.

My mouth dropped open in incomprehension. _Adam? What happened to Adam?_

I could see Kris wasn't going to be able to tell me anytime soon, so I turned to Jax with a questioning eye. Jax looked from me to Kris, then back at me. He moved to kneel next to me, since I was not letting go of Kris anytime soon.

"Uh…." He cleared his throat. "I don't really know how to tell you this, Tara. Adam… Adam's dead. They found his body stuffed in the trunk of his car near the border a few hours ago." He eyed me warily waiting for a reaction similar to Kris'.

Disbelief shook my body to the core. Adam? Not Adam. He would never hurt a fly. How could anyone have targeted him? Sure, he dabbled into drugs and ran the occasional gas run on unwitting gas station attendants… but nothing so serious that someone would…_ murder _him. It didn't make sense.

I brought my eyes to meet Jax'. I knew this was a weird situation for him and I was sincerely thankful he took the responsibility breaking the news to me anyway.

"How?" I asked quietly. Jax just shook his head and looked at the ground.

"How?"" I asked again.

He put his hand on my knee ever so tenderly. "Does it really matter, Tara? I promise you, you don't want to know. It won't change anything."

Kris broke into another round of hysterics at his words. _What the fuck is happening_, my mind screamed. I swallowed the nervous lump growing in my throat and shook my head trying to make sense of what had transpired in the last fifteen minutes.

"WHO?" I demanded. He could at least tell me that.

Jax took a breath to steady himself. He moved his hand from my knee and took my hand gently into his. "It was Justine and some guy… we think he might be with the Nords. We're still looking into it" he replied softly, trying to gauge my response.

I was dumbfounded. Justine? She'd been dating Adam for months! Why would she be involved? Granted, I never thought very highly of her, but I certainly never took her for a murderer.

Jax read the uncertainty on my face. "I don't know, Tara. It looks like she starting date one of the Nords on the side. Instead of ending things…well, I guess they ending things another way" he looked apologetically into my eyes. "I'm so sorry, Tara".

A sob unwillingly escaped from my lips. Just one, but it was enough to snap Kris out of her hysterics.

"How…. How did this happen?" I was having a hard time wrapping my brain around this new information. Adam. My Adam. Well, truthfully he hadn't been my Adam in sometime, but the news still crushed down on my soul. When was the last time I'd talked to him? Guiltily I knew it had been too long.

Jax just shook his head, not sure what to say. Kris looked up at me with bright red eyes and a splotchy face.

"They left my house" Kris whimpered. "They were here, Adam and Justine. I though… I thought they were okay" she cried, heartbroken. "I didn't know! I promise, Tara. I didn't know!" she broke into relentless sobs again.

I felt like the whole world was spinning around me, faster and faster. I couldn't make sense of the words I was hearing. Poor Kris, I knew she would shoulder this burden as her fault. But I couldn't form coherent enough thoughts to comfort her, so I just squeezed her tighter to me.

"I'm so sorry, Tara!" she sobbed into my chest. "This is all my fault… if I had known…." She gasped for air. "If I had known, I would've stopped them. I wouldn't have let them leave!" she screamed frantically.

"Shhhhhh. Shhhhh" was all I could muster as I rubbed my hand up and down her back, trying desperately to console her while putting the pieces together in my brain.

I looked to Jax, silently begging him to help me make sense of it all.

He stood up slowly and pulled a pill bottle from his pocket. "Here, Kristin. Take this. You need something to help you calm down. You're going to need some rest before you go to the police. I don't think you'll relax any other way" he held out a small valium and she took it gratefully. I was still too shell-shocked to ask questions, so I just let her sob in my arms until the valium kicked in. After a painfully long time, she finally stopped crying and lifted her eyes to meet mine.

"I, I think I can sleep now." She took a deep breath. "I'm so, so sorry, Tara. Are _you_ okay?" she asked, finally able to control herself once again.

All I could do was nod my head. I was far, far from okay, but I couldn't let her see that. I was all she had… I had to stay strong for her.

"Let's get you to bed."Jax suggested as he gently took her arm and raised her to her feet. With Jax and me on each side of her, we helped her stumble back to her house and into her bed. If this was the last place Adam was seen alive, Jax and I both knew tomorrow was going to be an achingly long day for her.


	4. Chapter 4

The warning bell rang and Jax took my hand, leading me down the breezeway to the two story building.

"Can't we just skip?" I whined as he pulled me in for a hug.

Jax chuckled softly against my hair. "As much as I'd love to, I'm pretty sure Clay will kill me if they get another fine for me playing hookie".

He was right. He'd missed far too much school this year and they were really cracking down with that whole blame-the-parents-when-the-kid-outwits-them-and-doesn't-go-to-school crap. Not that Clay and Gemma cared all that much, but when the tickets started rolling in, they definitely took notice.

I sighed and intertwined my fingers with his. "Okay, I guess I'll see you at lunch then" I pouted.

Jax lifted a finger to my chin and brought my lips to meet his. "I love it when you pout like that." He jested, but I knew it melted his rough exterior. His lips met mine, more passionately this time, ignoring the final bell to get to class. I couldn't help my body's reaction. God knows what Jax was capable of making me feel.

"We could always make a trip to the bathroom?" he half-joked, wagging his eyebrows like an old cartoon villain which only caused my heart to race faster.

Just before I could agree, Mr. Marks stuck his head out from the classroom door and cleared his throat. "Ms. Knowles, do you plan on joining us today or do I need to contact your father?" he eyed Jax suspiciously. It wasn't a secret that my father hated Jax. Hell, it wasn't a secret that my dad hated everything that had to do with my life. I sighed and reluctantly pulled away from Jax' embrace.

"I'll see you at lunch" he whispered and then turned toward his next class.

**XOXOXOX**

"Well that was quite the public display of affection." Mr Marks announced loudly to the class. "Can you even breathe with that boy on top of you like that?"

I rolled my eyes at the classes cat calls in response. Mr. Marks always had something to say about me and Jax. He never failed to attempt to embarrass me. It honestly made me think the old man was jealous. Freaking pedo with his creepy cat stories. I think he actually thought his remarks bothered me, but I couldn't care less. The whole school knows Jax and I are together, what did I care if they caught a make out session every now and then. They all did it too, privately, we just weren't ashamed.

He droned on and on as I doodled on my notes. I glanced up at the clock fifty times before the hands had even moved an inch. It felt like the class would never end. Algebra had never been my favorite subject, but Mr. Marks had a way of making the subject matter unbearably boring. As he turned his attention to the blackboard, I heard Opie whisper next to me.

"You coming to my house this weekend? My parents said I could have people over since it's my birthday. Everyone's gonna be there."

I sighed dejectedly. I really wanted to go, but there was no way I could convince my dad. He hated anything and anyone that had to do with the Sons, let alone actual members. And since my dad had taken the car away, there really wasn't any way around it.

"I don't know. I want to, but I'd have to come up with a pretty good cover story."

"My parents said everyone can stay the night" he added suggestively.

Involuntarily, my breath caught at his words. I'd never stayed the night with Jax before. That sounded like all kinds of fun.

Opie laughed at my speechlessness. "Just tell your dad you're staying somewhere else. He'll never know" he reasoned.

I had to laugh. Obviously Opie didn't know my father as well as I thought he did. "Um, yeah, except for the minor part that my dad will demand that he drop me off and meet the parents."

"Oh, yeah. That might be a problem then. Well," he shrugged, "offers on the table if you can make it work. I'm sure someone can help come up with a good cover story… not like we don't all have practice with that."

I snorted. "Yeah right, like you or Jax ever have to come up with a cover story for your parents. I'm pretty sure I've sat at the table with your own mom and smoked a joint with her. Yeah, they're _real_ strict" I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"What about Renee? Your dad trusts her parents." He offered, brainstorming with me.

"Yeah, except she lives down the street from Jax. I'm not allowed over there anymore since my dad pulled up and saw Jax sitting outside with us" I huffed. God, he was so overprotective. Not like he ever gave a shit about me when it came to anything else, but when it came to Jax God forbid!

Suddenly, Joanna leaned over her desk toward us. "Hey, I don't mean to be eavesdropping or anything, but I'm having a party at my house this weekend. Your dad could drop you off and even talk to my mom, then Jax could come and pick you up and take you to Opie's."

Opie caught my eye as I turned to her. "You would do that for me?" I questioned cautiously. I've known Joanna since we were ten and, though she was always really cool; we'd never really spent much time together outside of school.

She laughed at my wariness. "Of course, girl. I've known you forever! My mom let's A.J. stay over all the time, so I know what you're missing out on" she winked conspiratorially. "It wouldn't be a problem at all; my mom probably wouldn't even realize you'd left."

I tried to wipe the shocked look off of my face. "Um, okay. That would be_ really_ cool. Thanks!"

"Well, you are all more than invited to hang out at my house for awhile before you head to Opie's. You know, the more the merrier" she added.

Ah, now it made sense. She was hoping that when Jax picked me up he'd bring some friends and hang out for a bit.

"Cool that would be awesome. I'm sure the boys will want to stay and hang out awhile" I assured her, throwing a knowing glance Opie's way. "I'll bring some green with me too. I mean, it is a party after all?" I threw in for good measure. Who didn't want a little pot at a birthday party? And Joanna was a good customer anyway. That was the least I could do with the favor she was doing for me.

"Oh, that would be even better. Thanks, Tara!" The bell finally rang and she scribbled her address down on a piece of notebook paper and handed it to me. "See you then!" she smiled as she almost floated out the door.

"Well, that certainly put her on cloud nine now didn't it?" Opie laughed.

"Well, you guys better bring reinforcements to pick me up. I have a feeling they may be following us back to your house" I cocked my head suggestively. "I think that was more about getting a piece than helping me out, but hey, I'll take it!"

Opie laughed again as he waited for me to grab my books and head out the door.

Jax greeted us as we sauntered out the double doors toward the cafeteria. "You two look like you're in a good mood" he observed with a smirk. Jax was thankful Opie liked me. He couldn't say that about many of his other exploits.

Opie laughed again, even louder than he had in the classroom. "Let's just say that Tara knows the way to a woman's heart!" he sputtered before breaking into a loud guffaw.

Jax looked at me quizzically.

"It appears that Joanna has an interest in some of the guys we hang with. She volunteered to be my alibi for Opie's party if I brought some man meat with me." I explained.

Jax' eyes brightened instantly. "You mean, you think you'll get to stay at Opie's?"

I couldn't suppress the smile growing fast across my face, no matter how hard I tried. "Looks that way" I breathed as nonchalantly as possible. "All it took was a few guys and some green and she was happy to oblige."

Jax wrapped his arm around my waist and we floated off on cloud of our own.


	5. Chapter 5

He looked at me with disdain written all over his face; his eyes penetrating mine murderously. I could hear the surprise mingling it's way though the guys working in the shop. They paused only briefly, pretending to be involved in some deep discussion. They were clearly listening to us though. I could tell by the shock on their faces that they'd never seen this side of Jax before. Lucky me, I saw it all the time. At least my face didn't reflect fear like theirs did.

I saw Gemma peering through the opened blinds from the office. I cursed silently; of course she would be here for the show. She couldn't stand me as it is. She wouldn't miss this for the world.

I turned my gaze back to meet Jax. He was unmercifully angry, but I didn't flinch. He wanted me to be afraid, but fuck him. I wasn't afraid of a lost little boy with anger issues. He was just like me and he knew it. I could see right through his facade. Besides, we'd fought way worse before.

Jax took a step toward me. I stayed put though I wasn't breathing. I heard feet shuffling unsurely in the garage, probably in reaction to the vitriol Jax was spitting at me. I wasn't even listening until I heard him choke on his fury. I quickly tuned back into what he was saying, but it was too late. He knew I'd tuned him out. He hated it when I did that.

He took in a sharp breath trying to cover the hitch in is voice. "Leave you fucking bitch. Get the fuck out!" He roared violently.

"Oh come on Jax. It's not even a big deal. I don't even know why you're mad right now. You always have to go and ruin a nice day. For what? Nothing. You don't even have a reason to be mad I didn't do anything!"

He took another step closer, grabbing my arm and pulling me closer til he was right in my face.

"I said you need to fucking leave. I'm over this. Get the fuck out of here! I'm sick of putting up you're your shit."

I shook my head no and his grasp tightened around my arm. It was starting to hurt. I saw Bobby step out of the garage heading our direction. I knew the club didn't stand for violence against women. I guess this technically counted as such. I was still underage after all.

"Okay, okay" I said twisting away from his grasp. "Fine. I'll go. But don't fucking call me in three days asking me to come back. You always fucking do this. I'm not your god damn back up."

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, Tara. There are plenty of pretty blondes here to keep me entertained" he scoffed as he gestured toward the club house. " I could have anyone I want, why the fuck would I EVER come back to you?" he seethed as Bobby put a restraining hand on his shoulder.

"You know what, Jax? Fuck you! I don't deserve this shit" I spat through my teeth as I turned around and stalked out of the compound holding back tears.

**XOXOXOX**

Before I reached Renee's, I glimpsed a black SUV from my peripheral. It was speeding up. Someone was following me.

I didn't glance behind me, not wanting my stalker to see I'd noticed them. I quickened my pace as I rounded a tall corner fence. I pressed myself against the edge, digging for my pepper spray. As the vehicle came into view and stopped at the corner stop sign, I raised the mace toward the tinted window.

I saw the outline of a figure shake its head; a slender figure. _What the fuck?_

I held my breath as the driver side window rolled down.

"Hey, easy with the pepper spray for Christ's sake! I was just gonna offer you a ride home. Jesus! Are you expecting to get mugged for some reason?"

My disbelief froze me in my spot. Gemma?

"Oh, right. Someone may actually be trying to mug you, you little entrepreneur you." Gemma sighed agitated.

"Are you getting in or am I gonna sit at this stop sign all day?"

I forced my muscles to de-thaw. "Um, sure Gemma. Thanks" I muttered, still not believing what was happening.

She stared at me through the windshield as I walked around the front of the car and opened the passenger side door.

It was silent as I jumped up in the passenger's seat and shut the door behind me. Gemma took a right instead of the left that took me to my house.

"Um, Gemma. My house is the other way"

"I know where it is, honey. We need to have a talk first."

Uh oh. I didn't like the sound of that. You didn't talk with the queen bee of the Sons unless it was something bad. I was suddenly worried. I wouldn't be surprised if she'd murdered a few people in her lifetime. Hopefully I hadn't set myself up for that fate by letting her see me argue with her only son. _Fuck._

I took a deep breath. "Gemma, if this is about earlier, look. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have put him on blast when there were so many people around. I… I…" I was slowly losing my nerve. Why was I acting like this? I was never afraid of anyone, until right now.

"Well, that's what I wanted to talk to you about, sweetie. Well, partly anyway."

Partly? Sweetie? What the hell is going on here?

"Okay" I replied shakily.

"Here, let's talk" she said as she pulled onto a dirt road. I was about to panic as I realized it was an old rest stop. No one used it anymore, but the trees provided great shade over the dilapidated picnic tables still chained to the ground.

Gemma motioned for me to get out of the car. I knew it was irrational, but I started to sweat. I wasn't a little scared of Gemma. I was REALLY scared of Gemma.

I joined her at the picnic table nearest to the car. We sat there in silence for minutes that felt like eternity.

"Look, Tara. I know that you know I am not your biggest fan. By a long shot." I rolled my eyes as she continued. "But the way you are with my son, well… I know that you love him"

I snorted. "Thanks for that confirmation"

She signed and rubbed her temples. She looked very tired.

"Okay, look. I know why you're being a little snot nosed brat, and I deserve that. But, I'm here… I'm here to make amends" Gemma replied begrudged.

"To make what?" I asked, astonished. This wasn't the direction I'd expected this conversation to take.

"When I saw the two of you arguing earlier, well, it kind of woke me up. I haven't been giving you the credit you deserve." She took a deep breath, searching for her next words. I stayed silent, not wanting to ruin her train of thought.

"You see, I've never seen Jax react that way to anyone, let alone a girl. He normally reserves that kind of rage for, well, me." Gemma smiled sheepishly. What was she getting at here?

"So, when I saw how… menacing he was toward you earlier, well everything finally seemed to fall into place. I was surprised, to say the least. He has never acted like that to anyone. And I was even more surprised by your lack of surprise…. So I am to assume this was not the first time he has freaked out on you like this?

I laughed darkly and repeated her earlier words. "Not by a long shot"

Gemma sighed. "That's what I thought. You see, Tara, Jax has a certain angst about him. A certain restlessness. God knows we've tried to help him, but he just doesn't want to be helped " she sighed another sigh, deeper, longer.

"Now, I guess this is where you come into play" she said, reaching across the table to place her hand on mine, now clasped.

"What? What do you mean?" I asked, puzzled.

"Honey, you and I both know that your reaction is going to send him off the deep end a bit…"

"If by deep end you mean he won't talk to me for a month and will try to bang every girl in sight, then yes."

She laughed at my matter-of-factness.

"Well, yes, that's probably true. Of course, I wish he wouldn't, but he tends to push away the people he loves."

"Are you trying to say that you think Jax loves me?"

"Honey, I know he does. There is no other explanation for the passion we saw unfold just now." She said it like there couldn't be anyway those words weren't true.

"Well, Gemma. I don't know if I quite believe that."

Gemma looked at me with sad eyes. "You don't think he'll come back to you?"

"Oh, no. Not at all" Gemma looked at me quizzically. "I mean, he always comes back it's kind of a ritual. I just don't necessarily think it's because he loves me. More like I am the only one crazy enough to deal with his emotional bi-polarness. "

Gemma grimaced and then smoothed her face into a calm mask. "Ha, well, I guess I can see how you might think that but no, Tara. The boy loves you. Why do you think he gets so worked up? No one else has that kind of effect on him. Your name alone can make or break his moods" Gemma saw me roll my eyes at that. "Okay, okay, maybe not always. But you have a much more significant affect on my son than anyone clearly realized. "

"Okay, Gemma. I get it. You think Jax loves me and I affect him too much. What is it you're really getting at?" I raised an eyebrow speculatively.

"Honey, I just don't want you to think… I.. I just want you to know that Jax loves you and… even if it takes him awhile to come back around, you should stay strong. He needs you. He needs you to still be here when he comes around. "

My jaw dropped in disbelief. "Are you saying you want me to wait around for Jax while he's off fucking god knows what?" I shrieked.

"God knows WHOM, sweetie. And yes, that's exactly what I'm asking. He needs you, sweetheart. If he didn't love you, he'd never treat you this way" she spoke, exasperated.

"You realize that doesn't make a damn bit of sense, right?"

Gemma laughed loudly. "And who ever said the Sons made any sense, sugar? They're boys, even the grown ones. They don't know what they want, that's why the need us… to keep them in line, stand them up when they crash. Jackson needs you, Tara."

"I… I don't know what to say, Gemma". I was at a loss for words.

She squeezed my hands tightly between hers. "You don't have to say anything right now, baby. Just please, don't do anything stupid or drastic. Jax will come around."

"Yeah, after he bangs half of Charming" I muttered to myself more than Gemma.

"Ah, yes, well. There's not too much I can do about that, and plus, you had your part in that too. You could've let it go earlier, but you wanted to prove a point"

"And what point do you think that might be?"

"That you're tough and you're not going to take shit from anyone; that you're strong. Now, you need to follow that through, stay strong. Those girls don't mean anything to him anyway"

I sighed, knowing she was right. He'd still have to get an STD test before I'd ever touch him again.

"You should take it as a compliment, you know?"

I gaped at her. "Why the hell would I take it as a compliment?"

Gemma chuckled lightly. "Not the girls, Tara. I mean Jackson and his anger. He only acts this way because he loves you. You're the only one he trusts so fully. He knows he can lose it with you and you'll understand. The last few years have been tough, losing his brother, his dad and now having a step dad who's the new club president. It's a lot to take in. It's a lot to be angry about. It sounds crazy, but you should feel flattered. You're the only one Jax trusts with all that pain.

I looked down at the ground. I didn't know what to say. I'd never thought of it like that. I just thought he wanted to be angry with someone, and I was an easy target. Did he really trust me more than anyone?

I didn't say it aloud, but Gemma knew what I was thinking. "Yes, baby. Jax trusts you more than anyone in the entire world. He has a funny way of showing it but by showing you that anger, he's letting you in. And that means something. I know my son" There was a ring of finality to her statement and I knew we must be done here.

"Come on, I'll take you home"

"Can I ask you one more thing, Gemma?"

"Sure honey, might as well."

"What if he doesn't come back? What am I supposed to do if it's really over?" my voice cracked on the last word.

Gemma looked at me and her eyes softened. "You fight for him, baby. Never let go of what the two of you have. He may try to make you jealous, but that's all it is, baby. I promise. Just hang in there, Tara. Don't give up on him."

We didn't talk much on the drive back to my house. I stared out the window trying to contemplate everything Gemma had just said to me. I knew I loved Jax. Was it really possible he felt the same? And not because I was equally as crazy, but because he needed me too? Because he trusted me?

Gemma pulled up to the curb in front of my house. It was still early enough that dad would be awake. This should be fun.

As I opened up the door to let myself out of the car, Gemma reached out and touched my shoulder softly. "Remember sweetie. Jackson loves you, even when he says he doesn't. Just give him some time. He'll come around. He needs you, which means we need you. I'll keep an eye on him until the two of you make peace. Have a good night"

She released her grip and I jumped out of the car. I stood there dumbfounded as I watched her drive away. She was crazy, but for some reason I trusted her.


	6. Chapter 6

That was the last straw. I couldn't take it anymore. I was use to girls throwing themselves at my boyfriend every minute of every day, but that didn't mean I didn't get tired of it. I had a certain threshold for putting up with bullshit, and I was far past my quota for the day. Sometimes it was bearable, but today… well, just not today.

I looked at the circle of girls surrounding Jax; skinny, blonde, big breasted and long legged. None of the things I was. I looked down at myself and couldn't help but notice how my skin didn't squeeze the life out of my hips bones like theirs did. I sighed inwardly. I was never going to be good enough for him.

I threw one last look in his direction, silently pleading him to notice my distress, to no avail. _Fuck it_, I thought. Tomorrow's another day.

I nonchalantly grabbed my shit, hoping no one would notice me abrupt exit. I was two steps from the door when I heard Jax call my name.

"Tara! Tara? Where are you going?" he moved to stand but was stuck between the inordinate number of crow eaters vying to be the one to make me jealous.

I just shook my head. "I'm going home, Jax. I'll see you tomorrow." It wasn't a lie. I'd see him tomorrow and I wouldn't feel so… worthless anymore. Today was just a bad day and I was letting my emotions get to me. I just needed to be alone for a little while, get my shit together. I didn't need to bleed all over his happiness.

He looked confused as he took in my expressionless expression. Suddenly, it dawned on him as he looked from me to the girls then back to me.

"Oh, come on Tara. I'm just talking. It's no big deal. Come on, come sit next to me" he prodded as he delicately shoved one of the girls to the side to make room for me next to him.

All I could do was shake my head. "It's okay, Jax. I'm not mad. I'm just tired. I just want to go home" I replied sullenly as I hung my head and turned back toward the door, but not before I saw a slight sadness spread across his face. Deep down, I knew he didn't mean anything by it. I knew he cared about me and wanted me around. But, at the end of the day, I couldn't handle comparing myself to all those other girls, all those things I'd never be. It wasn't his fault that the ugliness ate away at my insides. It wasn't his fault he'd wake up one day and realize I was… nothing.

I shrugged out the door without another glance in his directions. Before I even reached the end of the driveway, I heard the door open behind me. I turned, hoping it was Jax but I should've known better. I'd hurt his pride in front of everyone by walking out, no matter how badly I felt inside. To him, there'd be no reasonable excuse for my leaving. I hadn't even said goodbye. I silently cursed at myself for leaving another opening for those skinny sluts to get under his skin.

Ryan walked toward me and put his hand on my shoulder, a questioning look in his eyes. "You think you're walking home?" he asked with a look that assured me he thought I was crazy.

I let out a low breath. Ryan had always been a good friend. I wished more than anything I could explain how I was feeling; why I had to get out of there, but he'd never understand.

"As a matter of fact, I do. It's not that far" that was only partially true. It was actually quite a walk, but I'd done it hundreds of times. If I was lucky one of our older friends would pass by and give me a ride. If not, I didn't mind the walk. It always gave me time to think.

Ryan shook his head. "I'll go with you" he said leaving little room for argument. I still tried.

"It's okay, Ry. I really don't mind. I don't want to make you leave early; the party's just getting started". Whereas normal kids had curfew, the SOA kids didn't know the meaning of the word.

He shrugged. "I'm not worried about it. Plus, Jax will kill me if I let you walk home alone in the dark"

I scoffed at that. "If Jax cared that much he'd get off his ass and walk me himself" I challenged.

Ryan raised his hands in a sign of surrender. "Easy there, Rocky. I'm not here to argue with you. Not trying to get slugged today. Just makin' sure you make it home okay, okay?"

Now it was my turn to shrug. I knew there was no arguing with him. "Whatever floats your boat" I answered flatly.

We walked the normal route out of the neighborhood. As we made our way down the empty drainage ditch, I smiled despite tonight's happenings. There were so many memories here, the walk between the neighborhoods to my house. I couldn't help but think of the first time I'd smoked a cigarette here in this very ditch. Nor could I forget the many Halloween's where we'd scared the shit out of countless teenagers, making them find another place to congregate. Ryan smirked at me, clearly sharing my line of thought.

As we rounded the Woodlands Park, I noticed Ryan was distracted by something in the distance. With no lights, I couldn't tell what it was. I wasn't even sure how Ryan could see what he was looking at.

"Keep walking. I'll catch up in a second" he whispered as he jutted to the left of the swing set.

_Whatever. _I thought. Most people might be afraid, walking in an empty park alone at night, but not me; not this park. It was a safe haven for me, always had been. It had always stood like a warm beacon welcoming me to the Teller's neighborhood. Well, it wasn't just the Tellers. Nearly all of our friends were sandwiched in this crazy, little mischievous neighborhood. I'd always wanted to live there. Not because the walk was long, more because it felt like family. It felt like home.

My home wasn't much of a solace these days. Since my mom had died, my dad's drinking had gotten progressively worse. Most days I just hoped and prayed he'd drink himself into slumber so I wouldn't have to deal with him. Combine that with nosy neighbors who spread our business all over the streets of Charming like they'd personally peaked through our windows, my house was the _last_ place I considered home.

Ryan was next to me again, this time pushing what looked like a dark green Huffy next to him.

"Sweet bike, dude." I jested sarcastically. _Ryan and his sticky fingers_, I thought as I rolled my eyes in the dark night.

I felt Ryan shrug next to me. "I gotta get back home somehow after I drop you off" he stated, like it was a perfectly reasonable excuse for stealing a bike.

I laughed. "If by home you mean pawn shop, then yes".

Ryan laughed heartily in response and softly punched me in the arm. "You know me too well, Knowles"

I rolled my eyes again. That was an understatement. It was no secret some of the guys had gotten into a little cocaine fix lately and were having a hard time figuring out how to support their new interest.

"Just, if the cops come by, just say you just ran into me. Wouldn't want any accessory charges brought down on you or anything" he said as he gave me a playful wink I could hardly see through the dark.

"Like they'll believe that." I laughed.

"You're right, Charming P.D. is probably on a first name basis with you by now" he joked, though it was partly true. I still looked innocent enough to get away with most things, but in the company of our little group, it was pretty clear I was never an innocent bystander. I relished the rush just as much as the next guy.

We finally turned down the corner to my street where we could see my darkened house at the end.

"Alright, you're babysitting duties are complete. You can watch me walk down the street if it makes you feel better, but there's no need to go the extra 100 feet when you can see me just as easily" I informed him.

"Yeah, you're right. I'll wait here 'til you're in the house then take the bike back home". He leaned down and gave me a one armed hug goodbye before I turned and walked toward my house.

"Don't get caught with that" I hollered over my shoulder.

"Never!" he shouted back with a laugh.


	7. Chapter 7

**All credit to KS. Thanks to Stabbing Westward for some lyrics I incorporated. I know the timeline is wrong with the music, but oh well. **

**Thanks again to Jaxolelady for the push to write a happier chapter (though, it's not 100% happy)**

**TPOV**

I tapped my pen anxiously against my desk. I'm sure it was annoying the hell out of everyone around me, but I didn't care. The frustration was pulsing through of every inch of my body. _Can't this class go any faster?_, a voice screamed inside my head. I had been a bundle of nerves for three days and I was starting to lose it. I needed to figure out what was going on and I needed to figure it out fast.

The teacher droned on and on in the background, reminiscent of Charlie Brown's Mrs. Donovan. _Waw, waw, waw, waw. _

I couldn't stop thinking about her. Even when I tried not to think about it, I couldn't help but see her wispy blonde hair and knowing smile. _Where the hell was she?_

Kris had been missing for three days. She hadn't been to school, hadn't answered my calls, and hadn't returned my calls. I didn't know what to think, but as the minutes turned to hours and hours turned to days, my thoughts turned darker and darker.

Just when I thought I couldn't take it anymore, the bell rang mercifully, releasing me from the suffocating cage I'd found myself in the last few days. I grabbed my stuff and high tailed it to the parking lot. I ran straight for my beat up truck without a second thought. As I slid in the cab to start the engine, I suddenly remembered Jax. _Fuck. _I knew he'd been worried about me the last couple of days and taking off without a word was sure to only exacerbate his concerns.

I took the keys from the ignition, shoved open the heavy door and hopped back down. I turned back to the cab to grab my shit and turned back around, smacking face first into Jax' chest.

He looked down at me and laughed. "You still in that dream world of yours' darling?"

I shook my head and leaned into him. "More like a nightmare" I muttered into his worn reaper shirt. I felt his strong arms wrap tightly around me as he smoothed my disorderly hair with his rugged hand. I sighed softly into the thin cotton and felt him press his lips to the crown of my head.

"So, we goin' to check it out then?" he asked, already knowing the answer.

I nodded and pulled away reluctantly. His embrace was the only thing holding me together at the moment. I felt him staring at me but I couldn't meet his eyes. He reached for the handle and gently opened the door for me. I climbed in and he closed the door behind me. I leaned against the faded interior and rolled down the manual window. He leaned through the window, giving me a quick, soft kiss on the lips and turned toward his bike, following me out of the school parking lot and down the road that led to Kris' house.

**XOXOXOX**

**JPOV**

I was sitting on my bike in the parking lot, smoking a cigarette, waiting for Tara's class to get out. I'd left class early in case she bolted before I could get to her rusted ass truck. Things had been crazy lately, and this whole thing with Kris' was really razing Tara's nerves. She was crazy worried, it wasn't hard to see. Her mind had been a million miles away all week. She didn't want to lose another friend.

Monday, she'd just seemed confused. I hadn't thought much of it, I mean, what was _one_ day? Kristina had multiple piles of shit to deal with in her life; she owed it to herself to play a little hooky every now and then. At first I thought it was a little strange that Tara couldn't reach her, but maybe she was actually sick. She wasn't a machine after all.

Tuesday, Tara's concern started to grow. The worrying etched stress lines across her angel-soft face. They were cute lines, especially the little wrinkle between her brows that usually only appeared when she got angry, but I didn't want her stressing just so I could see them. I had to admit, I was starting to get a little concerned too. I'd known Kristina longer than I'd known Tara and she was one of the most responsible people I'd ever met in my life. Sure, she'd started hanging with a rougher crowd, but she'd never missed school back to back as long as I'd known her. The no call no show part was not like the Kris we knew. She and Tara were like sisters. If she was sick, she still would've called. Even an idiot knew that.

When Wednesday morning rolled around and Kris still wasn't at school, Tara's concern morphed into all out panic. I'd tried to smoke her out at lunch to take her mind off of it, but it only made things worse. She kept coming up with such twisted sick scenarios that even _my_ stomach flipped with worry; worry for Kris, worry for Tara. I hoped to God that Kris was alright, but I hoped it even more for Tara's sake. Those two had been inseparable since Mrs. Knowles had passed away. I wasn't sure Tara knew how to function without her. She didn't really have any other girl friends.

As I took my last drag, the final bell rang, echoing through the halls out to the lot. Tara might as well have been running to her truck; she was the first person out of the building. I hopped off the bike and made my way toward her. Despite the circumstances, I had to laugh a little. She was so absorbed by the cloud of fog hanging 'round her, she didn't even see me 'til she smacked right into my chest. I did what I could to comfort her, but I knew there was nothing I could really do. We had to go to Kris' and find out what the hell was going on. Tara wouldn't rest, _couldn't_ rest, until we had some answers.

I smiled a little as I climbed back on my bike and tailed Tara to Kris' house. She was so damn determined sometimes, once she got something in that pretty little head of hers, she wouldn't stop 'til it was finished. Sure, that same determination caused some… disagreements between us sometimes, but I loved that about her. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I pulled up a few seconds after Tara and saw her frozen on the sidewalk. Tara wasn't a crier, but I knew that if she was, she'd be in pieces right now. I wasn't even sure what was still holding her together. She was terrified of the answers she might find when she knocked on her best friend's door. I walked up silently and slipped my arm around her shoulder.

"Let's go, babe. There's only one way to find out."

She could only nod in response.

**XOXOXO**

**TPOV**

I stepped onto the dilapidated porch, gripping tightly to Jax for support. I took a deep breath and looked up to him for reassurance. He met my eyes with his smoldering gaze and nodded his head in encouragement. I raised my hand and lightly rapped on the door.

Kris' mom opened the door and I was immediately hit with a cloud of smoke and the smell of Jack Daniels and cat urine. It took everything I had not to gag at the stench. I saw Jax turn his head to the side, probably searching for clean air.

She opened the door just enough to lean against it sloppily. It made me sad to look at her. She'd been so beautiful when she was young, but now she just looked haggard. Her blonde hair was thin and sparse, exposing parts of her scalp. She was still in a stained nightgown from the evening before with her hair splayed wildly around her weathered, wrinkled face and bloodshot eyes. I wondered if she knew it was past four in the afternoon.

"What are you doing here, Tara?" she croaked as she took a drag from her Virginia Slim. Mrs. Thomas had always loved me, and I knew she was trying to be nice, but she didn't sound happy to see me at all.

"I…I was just wondering if Kristina was here. I haven't talked to her in a couple days and I was just wondering…." Mrs. Thomas' eyes flashed angrily and my voice cut off.

"She's not here" she spat viciously as she tried to close the door in my face. Thankfully, Jax had stuck his foot in the way, stopping the door a few inches short of closing.

"Do you know where she is?" I asked as sweetly as I could. I knew the trick to dealing with alcoholics was to make them feel like they were in control.

"That little slut ran off in the middle of the night. I told her not to come back" she huffed like she was annoyed she had to explain this to someone, like I was supposed to be a mind reader.

I waited for more explanation.

"I don't know where she's at, Tara. But if you see her, let her know she's not allowed back here. I'll call the cops if she steps foot anywhere near this property".

"Is there something I can do? Is everything okay?" I asked as I took a step forward trying to peer through the small crack between the door and the frame. The house was quiet, too quiet. Where were the rest of the kids?

Mrs. Thomas rolled her eyes and gripped the door frame tighter. "I don't need you charity, Tara Knowles. We don't need your help. She ran away, end of story. Why don't you go take care of that drunken daddy of yours?" she hissed, knowing it was a low blow but not caring in the least.

I took another step forward, ready to give her a piece of my mind when I felt Jax' warm hand grab mine, slowly prying my fingers from the fist they were clenched into.

"It's okay, Mrs. Thomas. We were just concerned. We'll be going now. If she comes back, please let her know we stopped by" Jax said through clenched teeth as he pulled me toward the porch steps.

All we received in return was Mrs. Thomas' icy glare.

**XOXOXOX**

**JPOV**

I led Tara down the driveway and back to her truck. The way she rubbed at her arms was making me nervous; like she was trying to force the adrenaline and anxiety from her veins. Tara had a bad problem with anxiety and it often made her to do things that I was less than thrilled about. She hadn't cut in a long time, but I was worried Kris' disappearing act might drag her back down. I gently grabbed the hand that was rubbing at her arm and squeezed it lightly. She looked up at me almost embarrassed. She knew I knew.

"I'm sorry, Jax. I'm not going to do anything crazy. It just… hurts, ya know?" she tried to explain as she dropped her eyes to the ground ashamed.

I knew she meant the pain of the anxiety, not just Kris. I lightly kissed the hand I was holding. "It's okay babe, just worried about you, that's all." I replied as I stared through her, trying to get a read on her mental state. Like I had x-ray vision, I could see straight through her to her soul. She was the kindest hearted person I'd ever known. Even when she had her Rocky moments, she still had a heart of gold. I'd never met anyone as genuine as Tara Knowles and probably never would. She'd never believe it, but I knew it was true.

She sat in the driver's seat and leaned her head against the steering wheel. I stood there silent for awhile, like the big, dumb mute that I am. I didn't know what to say to the girl I loved more than my own life, didn't know what I could do to make her feel better. I just stood there staring at her like an idiot. I heard her breath slowly become less and less even and I gently rested my hand on her knee. Slowly, she turned her head to look at me, and I couldn't help but cringe at the sadness in her eyes.

"Why don't we get out of here? Head over to our park or something?" I suggested softly.

Her lips quivered at an attempted smile and she nodded her head.

"I'll follow you" I whispered as I reached down to kiss her forehead. Of course, I just meant to the park, but deep down I knew I'd follow that girl anywhere, anywhere she wanted.

**XOXOXOX**

**TPOV**

As I watched Jax through my crooked rearview mirror, I felt the sting of tears burning in my throat. I fumbled through my bag until I found a pack of cigarettes and my lighter. I took a deep breath as I raised one to my lips, fingers trembling. I inhaled deeply and breathed out in relief, letting the nicotine filter comfortingly through my body.

I looked back at Jax, the boy I loved with my entire heart. He was too good to me, and I was thankful. As the truck hummed to life, I was able to blink away my tears. The park was exactly what I needed, to just be there… with him. I wasn't sure where Kris had gone, but at this point there was nothing I could do. I'd just have to wait for her to show her face, and the only place I wanted to wait was in Jax' arms.

I hedged the curb as we approached the park, cursing when my tire rolled up then off the edge. As I got out of the truck, I heard Jax pull down my tailgate. I watched as he unrolled his bedroll and laid it down against the gritty bed liner.

As I stepped around the extended tailgate, Jax put his hands on either side of my waist and hoisted me up into a sitting position. I could've gotten up on my own, but I didn't protest. He jumped up gracefully and sat so there was no space between us. He put his arm around my back, resting his hand on my shoulders as he absently twirled a strand of my hair. I leaned into him and deeply breathed in his singular scent. This was the only place I felt calm, felt safe. We stayed just like that as we watched the sunset over the majestic California hills, humming with the music streaming fluidly from my truck radio.

As the stars began sparkling in the night sky, I leaned back wearily, thankful for the softness of the bedroll. Jax followed my lead and laid back, wistfully watching the stars burn overhead. I rolled to my side and rested my head on his chest, directly over his heart. I didn't care about the stars; all I cared about was the steady thrumming emanating from his chest. It was that thrumming keeping me sane, keeping me connected.

The song changed and I let out a soft chuckle. Jax picked his head up just enough to look down at me. "Somethin' funny, darlin'?"

I smiled. "I can feel your heartbeat through my skin, I've never felt this way for anyone or anything." I half sang, half whispered. Jax' brow furrowed in confusion.

"The song, silly. It's like the radio knows what I'm thinking" I whispered wistfully.

I felt a chuckle rise deep from within his chest. I felt his arms tighten around me and he sighed into my hair.

"You're crazy, you know. But I think that makes me love you even more" Jax responded, his voice thick with emotion.

"I love you too, Jackson. It's crazy to feel so…so… connected. I've never felt like that in my entire life" I shook my head in awe. My whole world was crumbling, but here, in Jax' arms, it was like the rest of the world didn't even exist.

I could feel his breathing hitch though I couldn't see his face. If I affected him even half as much as he affected me, I knew he could feel it too… the connectedness…the closeness.

"I know" he finally answered. "I don't know how you did it Tara, but you tamed the beast," he chuckled lightly before sobering and pulling me even closer. "I feel… so close to you…like maybe… like I could marry you" he continued so softly I almost thought I'd imagined it.

I repositioned myself so my chin was resting on his chest and I was staring into his beautiful baby blues. It took a moment for him to look at me and when he did, I saw the blush of vulnerability creeping across his face. My breath caught at the sight of his childish innocence, something I suspected few were privy to.

I leaned forward and pressed my soft lips to his dry, cracked mouth, feeling his stubbly whiskers graze against my skin. He kissed me back like his life depended on it, weaving his fingers through my hair, pulling me closer. I felt my heart race as my blood surged to the ends of my skin. After a minute he pulled back ever so slightly and let out another chuckle. "Not here, babe. Wouldn't want to risk you getting a ticket for indecent exposure" he joked with a smile that melted my heart.

Breathless, I finally pulled away, lying back on the bedroll facing the stars. I could see his chest rising and falling as laboriously as mine. Though I wanted him more than anything right now, I settled for intertwining our fingers and leaning my head so it was rested against his.

I tried to gaze up at the starts, but everything was a blur. The streetlights burned like tracers in the background. A haze of happiness enveloped us, protecting us from the rest of the world. We were just there, just being, just being in love and being happy in the moment. Everything was fuzzy and I was filled with this warmth, this profoundness. I could feel it in the tips of my toes and the pit of my stomach, an electric charge jolting through my entire body. He gave me "the fuzzies" as Kris had called them. No other man could do that to me. The edges blurred around us and all there was was him and me, existing in our own perfect world.

We laid there silently for a little while longer before my head cleared, the cool, bay wind breaking through our protective barrier. I shivered slightly at the wind's cool caress. It broke me from my trance, allowing worry to creep back into my darkened mind.

**JPOV**

We laid there in the bed of her truck for hours like we had nothing better to do. In all honesty, it couldn't get any better than this, laying here with my lady watching the stars pass us by. It was a bliss that only correlated with Tara's presence, and for that I was grateful. When I was younger, I'd wondered if I'd end up stuck with one of the halfwit sluts from the clubhouse. I hadn't known there could be someone like Tara, smart _and_ beautiful, strong _and_ caring. I was a lucky man and I knew it. I didn't even need the reminder from my jealous brothers that she was perfection.

I drank in the night with Tara. I held her close, knowing she needed me just as much as I needed her. I felt like a whipped jerky boy when I tried to sappily tell her how I felt, but I didn't really care. I loved her, even though I tried to act cool about her in front of everyone else. In reality, I wanted to jump up and down on couches telling everyone how much I loved her, but I kept it under wraps; wouldn't want to hurt my rep or anything.

The wind shifted and I felt goose bumps creep up Tara's arm. I pulled her closer, wishing I'd thought to bring a sweatshirt. I loved seeing her in my oversized reaper hoodie; damn, she was hot. I was snapped out of my line of thinking when I felt her tense next to me. I turned my head to face her.

"You alright?" I asked, knowing something besides the cold had shaken her from our blissful state.

She nodded and wrapped her arms tightly around my torso.

"It's just getting a little cold and… and I'm worried about Kris." She answered, her voice riddled with concern.

I rubbed my thumb in soothing patterns across her skin. I wasn't sure what to say.

"I mean, I'm sure she found a place to crash, somewhere with heat. I just… I hate not knowing" she sighed into my chest.

I gently kissed the top of her head. "Let's go check the clubhouse, see if anyone's heard anything. If not, I'll take you home and see if she left a message or something there."

She nodded and we sat up, both wishing our peacefulness didn't have to come to an end, but knowing reality was beckoning for us to return. I jumped off the tailgate and extended my hand to help her down. She took it, smiled, and then jumped on my back instead. I laughed and piggybacked her around the truck a few times before opening the door and letting her fall in backwards. Her laughter cut through the dark night and brought a grin to my face.

"I love you, Jackson Teller" she proclaimed as she pulled me back toward her for a kiss.

"I love you too, Tara Knowles."

**It's a long one! Sorry about that, but I just couldn't stop. Hope you like it. Let me know if there's anything you'd like to see next. **


	8. Chapter 8

**AN:** **So, I haven't posted in a long time because I've been struggling to pull the pieces together into a specific timeline that works. I'm going to start over again, but figured if I got some feedback it might inspire me a little more. This starts a new story, so you might see this chapter pop up again somewhere else soon. All credit to KS. **

Reluctantly stepping off the bus, I stared at the faded brick high school. The cool autumn breeze screamed at my bare skin sending an involuntary shiver up my spine. Well, at least I assumed it was the breeze. It could've just been my unease at returning to "regular" school after being an outcast, both literally and figuratively, for so long.

I'd spent the tail end of my eighth grade year in and out of juvie, reserving me a prolonged stint in Charming's alternative school, Steel Alternative. One of my coach's had fought to keep me out of the "bad" school, but all that resulted in was her ultimately getting fired. They wanted to make an example out of me and no one could stand in their way. Gotta' love small town politics. After finally getting off of house arrest near the end of summer, I was eventually allowed to return to the well behaved general population.

While most people might be excited to return to the land of the living, as we'd called it at Steel, I was anything but excited. Any friends I'd had before weren't allowed to hang out with a "troublemaker" like me anymore and I'd lost touch with nearly everyone. Though I'd kept in touch with my Steel friends, I was pretty much alone in my grand entrance to Charming High.

As I made my way up the stairs to the breeze way, I felt a million beady eyes on me. I'd never enjoyed being the center of attention, but hated even more how easily I'd been misunderstood. Sure I'd gotten in a lot of fights, and sure I'd started hanging with a rougher crowd well beyond my age group, but it seemed like everyone conveniently forgot the path that led me there. It escaped them that my father was a violent drunk and the mother who fiercely defended me had died tragically years prior.

I took a deep breath forcing my mother from my thoughts. She was gone and it did me no good to dwell. I am where I am because of me, not her. I made my choices, and I had to deal with that.

I was relieved to see Kristina waiting near the entrance. She was one of the few people who actually stuck by my side over the years and I loved her endlessly for that. More than anyone, she understood what I'd been through, what I was currently going through, and she didn't give a damn what anyone else thought about me, or of her for being friends with me for that matter.

As I approached, Kris wrapped me in a welcoming hug. "Welcome back, stranger" she laughed.

I laughed back, waving her off. "Yeah, yeah. I'm back, big deal" I said rolling my eyes at her enthusiasm.

"It _IS _a big deal" she insisted. "You don't know the people I've had to eat lunch with while you were off enjoying yourself in alternative school".

"I don't know that I'd call it 'enjoying' myself" I laughed. "But I guess it's good that at least someone's glad I'm back" I smirked at her.

"Oh, fuck them. You never gave a shit about what anyone else thought anyway, why start now?"

I shrugged, conceding her point. I really didn't give a shit what anyone else thought in the long run. I planned on just burying my head in a book and minding my own business this year. My probation officer had made it pretty clear that if I did anything but that I risked some serious repercussions.

I could sense the students passing by giving us a wide berth. Though I was only a lowly freshman, it was pretty clear that my criminal dalliances were widely known, even amongst the upper classmen. I registered the hushed tones and stares as we made our way to the two-story building on campus.

"So I guess I'm the talk of the school now, huh?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"You mean talk of the _town_?" she corrected flippantly. "Well, it's not every day a 13 year old _girl_ from Charming goes to juvie for bashing someone's head into a picnic table" Kris replied nonchalantly, as if it fazed everyone but her. Truth be told, it probably didn't faze her. Her family had its own streak of violence running through their blood.

Again, all I could do is shrug. "I guess you're kinda right" I sighed. It was going to be a long year if everyone was going to insist on making me the focal point of their gossip.

Kris slowed as we neared her first class. "Well, this is my stop, Tara. You think you can make it a whole class period without kicking someone's ass?" I couldn't tell if she was serious or not, but I obliged her anyway.

"I'll be fine, Kris. You worry too much."

"I still can't believe you're in all honors after everything that went down" Kris shook her head in disbelief.

I just laughed. "What can I say? Fighting doesn't make you stupid. I actually did even better in school when I was locked up" I replied proudly, winking at her as I turned to walk toward my first class.

"I'll see you at lunch!" she hollered behind me. I just waved my hand in response.

xoxoxox

"Miss Knowles, so good of you to join us" Mrs. Timberland greeted me as I quietly closed the door behind me.

I looked at her, slightly confused. "Am I late?" I asked, not sure why she'd chosen to address me in that tone. "The second bell hasn't rang yet, has it?" I questioned, looking up at the clock hanging above the ancient looking chalkboard, certain that I wasn't tardy.

I saw her eyes full with unwarranted reproach. "No, no, not yet, just cutting it a little close, aren't we?" she replied with an undercurrent of disdain.

I was starting to feel like there had been a teacher work day specifically regarding my return to the general population. I chose to keep my mouth shut and just shrugged in response, turning my eyes toward the rows of desks in front of me, many still empty. There was no point in getting written up on the first day. I had a whole year for that, I thought sarcastically.

As I stepped further into the classroom, I heard a deep, husky voice come from the back of the class.

"Well if it isn't Rocky herself. The finally let your little bad ass outta lockup, huh?"

I instantly recognized the voice of Harry Winston. I smiled to myself. I'd always got on well with Winston. I'd dated his friend Jax Teller off and on through the years and, though that relationship had crashed and burned many times over, Winston had always stayed neutral and hadn't shunned me like the rest of the school when my legal problems started to rear their ugly head.

I looked up and he gestured toward the empty seat next to him. I wondered silently if he realized associating with me would make him into a grade A social pariah. He must've sensed my hesitance because he quirked his head to the side, eyeballing me.

"I won't bite" he laughed, somewhat confused by my reluctance. I'm sure it was strange that I didn't immediately welcome his friendliness, considering I hadn't received much of that over the last couple of years.

I slowly walked toward the back of my class, dropping my ton of books on the small square desk top. I sank into the ragged metal seat as Winston leaned toward me, elbows bracing him on the desk.

"Long time no see Knowles. Looks like you're already getting a warm welcome from everyone" he joked, nodding his head in Mrs. Timberland's direction.

"Oh, you know me. I just elicit the warmest responses from everyone" I replied, rolling my eyes.

"Well, I'm sure Jax will be happy to see you" he retorted, cocking a curious eyebrow at me.

"Ha, I'm not so sure about that, Winston. You were there the last time. In case you forgot, it wasn't very pretty." To be honest, I'd thought about Jax here and there, wondered how he was. The last time we'd seen each other we'd had a blow out of epic proportions and hadn't spoken since. To say things ended on a sour note was an understatement.

"Oh, I don't know Tara…it's been awhile… I'm sure he's ready to be On again" he laughed, winking at me.

I rolled my eyes again, an automatic response to anything me and Teller related. "I wouldn't be so sure, Harry." I laughed, remembering the volatility of that old flame. Though I'd never admit to holding a tiny candle for him, that was one relationship that had burned out in a fiery explosion and was well beyond resurrection. We both had far too many issues of our own to be burdened with the others.

A Cheshire grin crept across Winston's face as he shrugged, resigned for now. "If you say so." He mouthed as Mrs. Timberland cleared her throat to start class.


End file.
